A big part of recovery is learning how to actually feel your feelings. Sounds basic, right? Like, who doesn't feel things? But a lot of people don’t. A lot of people who misuse drugs and alcohol have gotten used to running from their feelings, numbing them, or stuffing them deep down somewhere next to that unread self-help book and leftover emotional baggage from middle school.
As Bradley Wagner, Clinical Director at Monument Recovery, puts it, “Many clients have spent years avoiding emotions.”
And it makes sense. If drinking or using was your go-to response for everything—stress, boredom, heartbreak, even happiness—then emotions can feel dangerous or overwhelming once the numbing stops. But here’s the thing: learning how to recognize, name, and sit with emotions is one of the most important tools you can have in your relapse prevention toolkit.
Emotions aren’t always convenient. They will show up uninvited, they don’t always follow logic, and sometimes they hit you like a freight train at 2 a.m. But in sobriety, you no longer have the buffer zone that substances once provided. And if you’re not prepared to handle what comes up, it can lead to impulsive decisions and relapse. That’s where emotional awareness comes in.
Bradley Wagner explains, “Learning to identify emotions reduces impulsive behavior.” When you’re able to recognize what you’re feeling—and why—you’re way less likely to react in a way that sabotages your progress. You get a little pause, a little breathing room between feeling and doing.
“Emotions don’t have to control a person’s actions,” Wagner says. And he’s right. Emotions aren’t the enemy. They’re messengers. And when you know how to listen, you’re less likely to be blindsided by them.
If you're new to sobriety, “sitting with emotions” might sound like the emotional equivalent of trying to hug a porcupine. But discomfort is part of the deal, it’s how we grow and it’s survivable.
One of the approaches often used at Monument Recovery to help clients build tolerance for distress is dialectical behavior therapy. “DBT teaches people how to sit with discomfort,” says Bradley. “It’s about building skills that allow you to face difficult emotions without needing to escape or fix them immediately.”
Think of DBT like emotional weightlifting. It helps you strengthen your ability to tolerate feelings like sadness, frustration, fear, or shame—without melting down or reaching for something self-destructive. You learn that feelings peak and pass. And you don’t need to panic every time one shows up.
If you’re reading this and wondering, “Where do I even start?” The answer is simple: name your emotions.
“Naming emotions is the first step to managing them,” Wagner shares.
This is sometimes called “affect labeling,” and research backs it up. Just putting your feelings into words—like saying, “I’m feeling anxious” or “I think this is sadness”—activates the brain’s self-regulation centers. It literally makes you feel calmer.
It also gives you clarity. When you can name what’s going on, you can better figure out what you need—whether it’s connection, rest, movement, or just a really good cry.
Sobriety isn’t just about quitting substances—it’s about learning a new way of living. And emotional awareness is a huge part of that.
You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to do it. Because the more you allow yourself to feel, the more freedom you’ll have in recovery.
You’re allowed to be a work in progress. You’re allowed to feel messy. And you’re absolutely allowed to feel proud of the work you’re doing—because this stuff is hard. But it’s also what leads to real change.
As Wagner reminds us, “Many clients have spent years avoiding emotions.” But you don’t have to anymore.
You’ve got this. We’re here to help.